Just Another Peaceful Sunday Morning
Our church had a special broadcast for us to watch this Sunday, designed to help our home become a place of spirituality and peace. Standing in the kitchen at 11 0’clock, I was blown away at how tranquil the house was thanks to that broadcast.
First we had my wife, beautiful as ever, her hair a knotted
mess as she rocked the latest “still in pajamas looking more exhausted than a
teenager on Monday morning” look. The
baby made sure she got at least a couple hours of beauty sleep the night
before, and now, although she had been awake for some time, she is just sitting
down to eat, being very picky about her breakfast, as it always has to go
through a rigorous curing process.
·
First, it has to appear to be the kids’
breakfast.
·
Let sit for at least two hours, ensuring it has
been fully abandoned by said kids
·
Announce that it is time for mom to eat it
·
Salt thoroughly with the tears of the children now
realizing their old, abandoned food was going to be eaten by mom.
Bon Appetite
Then, we had my special needs son, the boy who loves to
repeat quotes from movies. Today’s quote
was especially engaging. It was a singular,
loud SHUSH! Noise as found in the film, Finding Dori. Having him shush as loudly as possible over
and over again was the soft tones needed to accentuate this peaceful Sunday morning.
Moving down to my second son, we see a heap on the floor,
thrashing about in agony…either because one of his limbs just got cut off, or
more likely, because he just witnessed me throwing away a tablespoon of expired
food. Watching my son writhe on the
floor that Sunday morning made me eager to finally meet Jesus.
After that, we have our third child, my daughter. She’s perfect.
Finally we have the toddler, who listened intently to the
church broadcast, which was of course all about making sure you do not nap at
all costs. He was cheerfully helping me
reorganize all the bottom drawers in the kitchen, thoroughly emptying one, then
moving on to the next.
It was in this serene atmosphere I decided to make lunch for
my wonderful family. My wife informed me
she was still full from the kids’ breakfast she was currently eating, and excused
herself to go get dressed. Pulling out
the food to the sound of that pleasant SHUSH every few seconds, I began dishing
up each plate, when the heap on the floor that was apparently my son,
discovered, thanks to his new vantage point, several toys on the floor under
the stove. This discovery proved most
distressing to him. I thought he had
completely forgotten about all of these toys, given that he never spoke of them
once in the months since they went missing, but I was naïve. Apparently, these were the single most
important toys on all the Earth, and if they couldn’t be reclaimed immediately,
his life might just end on the spot.
I got on the ground with a stick to fish out the coveted
toys, when my puppy, looking down on me in a way he didn’t expect, decided that
my face was his new chew toy. After
removing the puppy and reclaiming the toys, I went back to making lunch, which,
I must admit was simply putting leftovers on a plate and into the microwave…a
seemingly simple task, when our baby, having completed his task of removing
everything from the bottom drawers, became so enthusiastic about helping me
with my next task, that he came running straight into my legs while I was
holding the food. The puppy, drawing upon
the enthusiasm of the baby, and being spurred on further by the lovely SHUSHing
noise of my son, also leapt upon my legs, causing me to trip over the drawers the
baby so carefully opened for me.
Our peaceful Sunday Broadcast reaches its pinnacle as the
speaker at the pulpit on the TV, who is telling us all about love, patience,
and forgiveness, is being drowned out by dad, me, roaring in extreme angst.
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